When I was younger one of my favorite songs was Parents Just dont Understand. Because truly we believed they did not understand what in the world we were going through. It was the age of pagers and 'instant communication'. We had to type our reports, and the Ti calculators were the most powerful handheld devices around. The way those calculators did math and stored formulas was amazing. We had the original Playstation and the Sega Genesis.
So it was no wonder our parents did not understand us....they did not exist in the same technological worlds as we did.
Now that I'm a parent, and a young parent, I can see both sides of this equation and realize that I truly dont understand.
My 8 year old and my 1 year old are going to live totally different technology childhoods. My 8 year old can create a pod cast...who knows what the 1 year old will do at 8.
But what problems does this cause for parents who dont understand that they dont understand.
What reprieve is there for the mother who cant understand why her son is rebelling against the family. Where can she turn, who can she call. Better yet how is she supposed to make sense of it all.
here is the fact...Kids today change more in 1 year than we did from age 10-18. I was in panera last week and a group of sophomores were talking about how OLD SCHOOL instant messaging is and how they could not understand why facebook would add such an outdated feature. At that moment I realized that I am still an avid IMer and these 15yr olds thought of it as old school.
If that's not enough for ya...these same kids were playing a sex positions game in Panera. Even if any of us were having sex at 15 we did not talk about it much less make games that we played loudly and in public.
So what do we do as parents....STOP TALKING...start listening...as parents we talk at our kids a lot, we talk at their friends...we tell them about how it was and what we would or would not do when we were their age. I'm not suggesting we accept disrespect from kids but I am saying that they realize that our reality does not match their reality...they realize that we dont understand and they believe we cant because we talk to much.
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1 comments:
July 13, 2008 11:31 AM
That was a really good article.
Please let me add my thoughts.
Parents really do understand. They understand the issues that matter. Parents also experienced peer pressure, feelings of inadequacy, selfishness, joy, lonliness, fear, doubt, pride, anger, relief, etc.
Though they may not be as technologically savvy, that can learned, just like their children are learning it. But that does not disqualify them and me, for that matter, from identifying with the human issues children face.
If we had listened to our parents and respected their age and experience more, we would have saved ourselves from many mistakes and enjoyed more of life.
Children always think they are smarter than their parents. Like the Children of Israel, they have to go through many painful experiences unnecessarily before they realize the wisdom that is available to them.
To the mother whose son is rebelling against the family, she should realize that rebellion began in heaven with Lucifer, then with Adam and Eve, then with Cain and has continued through the ages. 2 Timothy 3:2 & Romans 1:30 states that in these last days, disobedience to parents will be one of the major issues to be dealt with.
Where can she turn? To God! She has to pray and fast for her child like never before. It's a committment, but God hears the prayers of the surrendered parent.
Lastly, there's a quote that says "more is caught then taught." We model behavior to our children. I may not be able to tell my children what is a podcast or what to do with an ipod (because I really don't), but I can model character to them. In the end, character is what really matters.
Parents, give yourselves a break. You've been a child once and that experience is invaluable to your child. Don't be ashamed to share with your child your successes and mistakes. Let them know that your advice was not just pulled from the air, nor is it being used to beat them over the head. Let them know that you love them and are accountable to God for how you raise them.
Thanks Atiba for giving me something to think about and practice in my own family.
Leuanna
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